How to Know When You're in Great Britain

You're probably in Great Britain if all of the following things consecutively happen to you:

• People smile at you for no reason. They make jokes, and good ones even. Even the grandmas. The police officers' hats are a good example of a constantly uttered, yet unspoken joke.

• Fellow train passengers don't mind shouting when summoning the train conductor to come over and help you. I was never so astonished at the ways I received help.
• People are happy to wait before crossing your sight until you've taken your 10th shot of a location. Looking at you, they just smile and go on.
  
• Whole grain bread with a firm chewability vanishes from store shelves. As does chocolate muesli.

• Everyday food makes you do noises. Every day.

• But hey, there's worse.

• Remember, the important thing is that its taste is better than its looks!

• People say "cheers" for each and every door you keep open for them, say "sorry" when scarcely getting in your way and are "sorry for letting you wait" if you're being served after having queued.
  
• You are called lad, chap, mate, fella or luv, depending on age and gender of the person adressing you. A luvely people, these Brits.
  
• There are seperate taps for boiling hot and freezing cold water. I didn't figure it out yet, but there must be some use to it.

• Women dress weird for no reason and when spoken to act as if everything was as usual. Which is the case.
• People wear the same amount of clothes neither minding temperature nor weather conditions.

• You get to see everything from good looking to "eh!?".

• Cities tend to look Victorian.

• Outskirts all look the same and the houses in the outskirts all look the same.

• And God said, Let there be power sockets: and there were power sockets. And God, looking on the power sockets, saw that it was good: and God made a division between the on and the off state. And God said, Actually, these switches were a brilliant idea!

• You start being fond of levers. They give you this feeling of accomplishment when flushing the toilet.

• Doors are simply pushed and pulled and you realize door handles might not always be the most convenient way to open doors.

• You need to open not one, but two doors to get to the toilet. Three altogether if you're male and want to sit down. Then, if you want to close this very last door, there is either room for you or the door.
• You sit with your back turned to the street when waiting for your bus. Or is it yours? Ah no, sit down again.

• Pedestrian traffic lights are mounted in breast height, so you might find yourself staring at a woman if both happen to stand too close to one another (now consider how much British women wear depending on the temperature).

• You are surrounded by the most beautiful landscape.

• And it is not easy to get there via public transport. Forget about buses in the evening or on Sundays in rural parts.

• You want to stay and enjoy life just a little bit more.